I'm eating all of the evidence.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
PANTIES FOUND
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