i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
In America we eat man semen.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
