I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
