Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
