I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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