She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
