Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
