If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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