i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
