Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize