he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he thought i was a dude.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
