the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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