I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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