k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
