and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
