Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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