Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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