All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
