She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
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Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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