i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize