Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
