THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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