so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Semen is not good for contacts.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
