Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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