No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
