Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
