why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
