Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
