i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
