My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
