i wish there were pregnant emoticons
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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