It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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