they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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