im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
