What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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