Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
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I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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