i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
