DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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