It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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