Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
