It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
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not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
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Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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