Is it because I queefed?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
