so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
