im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He passed out mid-signature
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
