im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
