why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
