Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
