hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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