Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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