What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
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