Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
