I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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