Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize