You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
OPIZZABONMYDICK
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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