I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
