just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
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noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
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Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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