That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
