wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
