i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
