If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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