You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
