I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
