the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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