Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
