she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
