he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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