just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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