No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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