Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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