I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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