Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
