dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
