I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
