How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
